Last Updated on November 1, 2021 by Kari
I had my second Reiki appointment yesterday, and I will write about it soon, but one thing I realized during it is that I’m not good at letting things go.
Some things are big things, such as the death of my dog over two and a half years ago. I had him since my mid-twenties, he lived almost 15 years, and I loved him so much. My life changed for the better because of him, without a doubt. He taught me responsibility, how to love unconditionally, and helped me realize that I didn’t want to waste time doing what I was doing anymore. His death, and his sickness the years before his death, got me into a habit of being on edge and worried. I have never written about his death on this site because it’s been too hard for me to talk about.
Some things are smaller, like the guy who honks at me for no reason or the neighbor who drove onto our newly laid lawn.
I often find myself replaying things in my head when I really don’t need to. That doesn’t do anything good for my mood or mentality.
The techniques in NLP Hero have been great at helping me move past certain things. For instance, I can play with the images in my mind and tweak them so they are not so upsetting, as I did with my neighbor who took down our fence without informing us.
But there are other things that I simply don’t want to let go of – for a variety of reasons – and that’s where the problem comes in. Because I don’t want to let go of these things, I can get stuck into a cycle of regret, sadness, and anger, and those things are not good for my happiness, productivity, relationships, etc.
During my Reiki session, I realized all this. I realized that there were things I just didn’t want to let go of. It’s become a habit to hold onto certain things that I feel responsible for in some way. And I realized that I want to get out of the cycle of holding onto things. So that’s where my focus is going.
Antifragile 101 By Brian Johnson
I realized that I need to be a little stronger in order to let things go… not so fragile I suppose. So, I decided to take the Antifragile 101 class on Optimize. I’ll sum up the things I learned below along with some thoughts.
In case you haven’t heard, Optimize by Brian Johnson is now free. Therefore, if you want to take Antifragile 101, you can take it for free – along with a ton of other classes.
10 Big Ideas I Took From The Class To Help Me Out
These are the things that struck me the most in the class… both of what he said and the insights I had.
1. I Feel Like I Have Fragile Written On Me Sometimes
Brian Johnson says you can be fragile as if you are going to break or you can be robust where you are super tough – but being antifragile is where growth really happens.
Being antifragile means the rougher you handle me the stronger I get. And that’s how he says we should be.
One of the definitions of antifragile is ‘things that benefit from disorder’ and I think that’s what Brian Johnson is talking about. When shit happens, you don’t let it take you down, you grow from it.
In short, instead of trying to label myself as strong, which is what I try to do a lot of times, I’m going to label myself as antifragile and benefit from the crap that happens to me.
2. View Things As A Challenge, Not A Threat
I think I do this. I like to view things as a challenge. I don’t always take on the challenge, but I tend to see problems and come up with actionable drafts to work through them, and that always makes me feel better in the moment.
I still can view things as a threat at various times – for instance, financial problems – but for the majority of my time, I view things as challenges. That’s thanks to Srikumar Rao’s lesson about making things a challenge. (In fact, I should go through his course again if I want to let things go!)
3. Emotional Stamina During The Stressful Times
The more you get beat up, the more committed you should be to your goals, or in my case, my Lifebook.
While I do view things as challenges, it takes me some time to get there. At first, when something bad happens, I revert to bad habits – procrastination and other things that do nothing for me.
Brian Johnson says it’s important to stop doing these things, and I agree. When I do those ‘comfort’ things, I feel worse and beat myself up even more, which means that it takes longer to sit down and try to solve the problem.
I should just embrace the emotion and keep going despite it.
4. My Self-Talk Has Sucked Lately
I am a huge believer in positive affirmations, but I do find myself saying negative things a lot lately. Things like: Why me? Why did I? I should’ve, could’ve, would’ve…
Even though I know the power of negative affirmations, these are the words that I’ve been saying.
Brian Johnson says that instead of saying those things, which make you a victim, say something like ‘Now what needs to be done?’
Turn something into something positive. If you have to complain, do it for a minute or two and that’s it.
What needs to be done? ☑
5. Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
If you want to stop being so fragile, you have to cross the fear, pain, discomfort that holds you in your comfort zone.
When you feel uncomfortable, don’t retreat from it, move towards it. Affirm that you love the fear, pain, or discomfort and that you will be set free when you move towards those things.
I love discomfort. I love discomfort. I love discomfort.
6. Have Infinite Options (Don’t Box Yourself In)
This is a good point. Don’t think you just have one path you are worthy of taking because if it doesn’t go your way, it can heighten your fragility.
I’ve seen this firsthand in myself, my family, and my friends. When things don’t work out the way you hope, it can be easy to give up and get on a path of fragility where you are scared to do anything because you might ‘break’.
Brian Johnson says that you can have a strong vision, but you can have a lot of pathways to get there.
Love, love, love this.
7. Get Clear On Your Next Target
Simplify and have a front sight focus. Put all of your energy into your next target.
8. Everything Is A Learning Lesson
You can’t fail. If you don’t hit your target, it’s a lesson, not a failure.
In other words, when you don’t win, you learn, so it really is a win!
9. Stopping The Negative Self-Talk
Brain Johnson says not to shame yourself because it’s the worst thing you can do if you want to stop being so fragile. Shame is something else I’m really good at, and I can see how it would make me so fragile and unwilling to let go of things that have happened in my life.
He also says that life is bumpy. If you are human, bumps happen. It’s important to talk to your yourself how you would talk to someone you love.
And finally, get proud of your scars. Don’t complain about them. They are a sign of your growth.
10. Obstacles Make Me Stronger
I think this is a new mantra I’ll be taking on. Enough said.