I just finished reading I Heart Me: The Science Of Love by David Hamilton. The book got my attention because, I thought, it would have to do with self-forgiveness, which is something I needed at the time. And that’s what it offers. It helps you to create more self-love, where forgiveness and acceptance live. It also helps you deal with shame, which is a common emotion for me. I’ve never read anything from the author before, but I enjoyed his tone.
Ironically, the other day, I was listening to The Heal Podcast and he was speaking about his newest book, Why Woo-Woo Works. I really enjoyed the podcast and thought he was fantastic. (Actually, the whole Heal podcast is fantastic and I’ve listened to almost every episode.) It wasn’t until the end of the podcast when he talked about his book, I Heart Me, that I realized I was reading his book!
He Wrote This Book As He Developed More Self-Love
My website reviews stuff based on my experiences and there are a lot of personal growth articles, so I enjoyed his view on self-help books and writing in general.
He says that there are two kinds of self-help authors – one who has lived a certain way for years and is teaching what they know, and the other is someone whose content reflects their life because they write as they learn… or learn as they write.
The latter is a lot of what I Heart Me is.
It’s also a lot of what this website, Best Friend Reviews, is.
I enjoyed that commonality.
The Three Stages Of ‘Enough’ Plus One
The book talks about the three stages of ‘enough’.
- I’m not enough.
- I’ve had enough.
- I am enough.
There’s also a fourth stage of being enough that has to do with self-love, and it’s an important one. I won’t put out any spoilers, though.
If you have taken Marisa Peer’s Transformational Therapy, you know that I Am Enough is something she often talks about. It’s something that has impacted a lot of students through the program.
One point David Hamilton made is that the world often reflects back to you your own feelings about yourself, and it usually is reflected in how people treat you. So, if you don’t think you are enough, then you will be treated as if you are not enough.
It’s a good marker to tell how things are going in your life and if you feel like you are not enough. If you are constantly being treated one way or the other, then you can look inside to see if you are also treating yourself that way – or, at the very least – feel that way about yourself.
That’s the type of thing I Heart Me makes you think about.
One thing he talks about is how most people don’t get to the stage ‘I am enough’ until they are older.
Isn’t that sad?
I understand what it means to say that youth is wasted on the young, for so many different reasons.
We believe we are enough when we are kids, but then, as we start to interact with life more and more, we start to lose that belief.
If we could only carry that belief of being enough from childhood into our teenage years and then increase it every year. Wouldn’t that be amazing? We would go after our dreams. We would find the right relationships for every aspect of life. We would start on a path that leads us down a path with less regret… or at least that’s how I feel. I’ll let you know for sure when I can go back in time and get back to this moment.
One thing to note that David Hamilton makes clear is that there are many of us struggling, so, if you are in that boat, don’t think that you are going through it alone.
Also, another thing to note is that while a lot of people are stuck in the I’m Not Enough stage – where you feel irrelevant, small, and need other people’s approval – there are ways to decrease the amount of time you spend there. That’s what this book can help you do.
Even if you think it’s genetic, this book will help you understand genetics are not always going to determine how you feel about yourself and how you act because your environment plays a big part in it.
Lastly, just because you are amazing at life doesn’t mean you are going to think that you are enough. In fact, David Hamilton writes in the book that ‘high achievers are statistically more likely to have low self-esteem than average achievers.’ There are many reasons why this is, but if you feel like you should feel like you are enough, but don’t, I Heart Me can help you take a look at what’s brought you to be not enough and then shed off some of that blame and guilt that you are holding onto.
There Are Exercises To Help You Get To I Am Enough
Every point made in the book is followed up with an exercise for you to do.
Whatever age you are now, I Heart Me offers a lot of strategies to help you live from that state of I Am Enough right now. He does this through the ‘self-love gym’ where you take on exercises that help you combat those issues that keep you from being enough.
He says that you don’t have to do all the exercises, but you should do the ones that resonate with you.
The I Heart Me Exercise That Resonated With Me Most
One exercise that resonated with me the most was at the start of the book where he talks about how we can change how we feel by moving our body in a way that reflects how we want to feel.
I have always been very aware of my body language. It’s a skill I have, and I know how to use it to make people feel comfortable and trust me, as well as make people feel important and valued. I also know how to use it to send the signal of ‘NOT RIGHT NOW!’ to someone.
That’s why the thought of moving, standing, and eye contact that says I Am Enough is so appealing to me. The moment I tried it; I understood its value. My emotions shifted instantly.
I don’t know if this would work as well for everyone, but it’s worth a try! Move and stand in a way that says, I Am Enough and see what happens.
In fact, move and stand in a way that conveys whatever message you want to send yourself and see what happens.
A Section Of I Heart Me That I Really Enjoyed
I also enjoyed the section on shame. As I said, that’s something I’ve been dealing with, so reading about how to eradicate or diminish shame was exciting.
I still do use some of the NLP techniques I learned, but sometimes it’s hard to take control and work on diminishing your thoughts. I Heart Health offered me a few new NLP techniques that I have never used, and I appreciate that.
I enjoyed all of the interesting tidbits about how our body affects our minds.
One Of My Favorite Points In The Book
I read this and thought about my health for a while.
If the research shows that the brain changes just by imagining things, this is probably why the placebo effect works so well. We are imagining it to be true, so it is.
That’s exciting stuff that I want to keep playing with.
My Least Favorite Point In The Book
David Hamilton talks about how beauty can be subjective. He mentions Mauritania, where large women are celebrated as being beautiful and are encouraged to put on weight. I looked this up and what I saw about women in Mauritania pissed me off. I’m surprised that David Hamilton included this point in his book.
The page says that older women force-feed young girls to eat large amounts of food and drink, whether they want it or not. They also will cause them pain if they don’t overeat and overdrink.
The mothers do this so that the girls will get picked to be married because, as David Hamilton says, bigger women are celebrated as beautiful. Moreover, according to this article, the size is relevant to the space she will take in her husband’s heart.
WTF?
Do you think this was a woman’s idea? This crap was more than likely decided by men who have their own beliefs around what is beautiful and what is not, along with who women must be and who they must not be.
That’s not something to put in a book when you are talking about how beauty can be subjective and you should celebrate being enough as you are. Those women are not allowed to be enough as they are. They are not being celebrated. They are being controlled and abused and TOLD what is right and what is not.
Also, according to this article, female genital mutilation is big in Mauritania with 71% of the women be mutilated. Do you think they choose this? Not a chance in hell. The article says that 57% of these women believe it’s a ‘religious requirement’. I can’t tell you how mad this makes me. These women were once girls who knew better and now probably tell themselves what they have to so that they don’t go insane.
Even if this is no longer going on there (which I somehow doubt), tradition passes down beliefs. This means that just because girls are no longer forced to look a certain way, they are likely still judged by others whether they are big or small. Maybe it’s backward from Western World where small wins the prize, but it’s still a matter of not being enough if you don’t fit into a certain mold.
This video seems to be from only a few years ago, so…
Something Coincidental About The Book For Me
When talking about the fourth stage of self-love, David Hamilton talks about a dream he has.ย He then talks about how he asks his ‘good friend’ Kyle Gray about the dream because Kyle can talk to his angels. I just finished reading and reviewing the book Angel Numbers By Kyle Gray.
I guess they are both Hay House authors, so it’s not that coincidental, but it kind of is…
I Heart Health Is A Good Book
Despite that part about girls being perceived as beautiful (when they are really being forced to look a certain way by controlling men and women who are either being controlled or don’t know any better), the book was good. It’s another tool for becoming happier with yourself and your life, especially if you are feeling down right now. There were a few points and exercises in the book that impacted my belief system, which I really enjoyed.
You will take a look at what you currently believe about yourself and find ways to let go of believing you are not enough and move towards I am enough.
You will move past shame and regret, improve your body image, and start to accept yourself as you are.
You will learn WHY you matter.
You will start to feel more confident.
You will learn how to reduce inflammation in your body and be a better person at the same time. (Another important point for me.)
And many other things.
You can find I Heart Me on Amazon here. It has mostly great reviews there.
The negative reviews mention things like cringeworthy and basic. Another reviewer said he didn’t like the woo-woo parts, which is funny because that’s in the title of David Hamilton’s new book. And some people didn’t like that he talked about himself a lot (even though he mentions that this book is being written as he grows, so I think he has to talk about himself.)
