How I Stopped Dating Losers

I dated a lot of losers in my life. I’m talking about serious losers. I’ve dated guys who were addicted to drugs, guys who cared only about themselves, guys who mooched off everyone (including me), or guys who thought they were god’s gift to women. I didn’t date one good guy from the age of 16 to 27. But I did date a lot of guys. That’s what seems to happen when you date losers – you either stay with them forever because you feel stuck or you realize they are losers and end up being in very short, volatile relationships.

I Hung Around With The Party Crowd

I would say the number one reason I kept dating losers was because I partied a lot. My best friend from the age of 18-25 was a big partier, and we were always doing something that involved at least alcohol.

Moreover, her ex-boyfriend, who was in jail for the beginning of his adult life, got out when he was 21, and that resulted in years of us being around guys who had spent time in jail.

The thing is I had a few brains even though I was partying almost daily. For instance, I didn’t do any of the drugs being passed around. And there were a lot of drugs! I never succumbed to the peer pressure of drugs as a constant habit. Even when everyone in the room was doing them.

This is mostly because I had tried smoking weed twice and I didn’t like the way it made me feel – at all. Who do I thank for that blessing? So, I wouldn’t smoke it and I wouldn’t try anything else knowing that if weed made me freak out, other drugs were not going to be any better.

I Like The Ideas Of Dating A Bad Guy

Looking back, I can see that I liked the idea of dating a bad guy.

They were a challenge.

They were confident.

They were interesting.

And you never knew what they were going to do because they weren’t stable.

It was kind of exciting.

I also liked the idea of turning a bad guy into a good guy.

By The Way, You Can’t Make A Bad Guy Be A Good Guy

My parents are my biggest role models when it comes to a solid relationship. They have had an excellent relationship. So, I knew what a healthy relationship was all about, and I thought I could turn my bad relationships into good relationships by being a good role model myself.

But I learned the hard way that it doesn’t matter how good you are, a loser isn’t going to change into something you want just because you demonstrate good behavior. They are who they are and will only change when they have some sort of epiphany in their life… if they have some sort of epiphany in their life. Almost all the losers I knew in the past are still losers.

I Knew I Wanted A Good Relationship

The big thing is that I knew I ultimately wanted a good relationship. I didn’t want a relationship where I was struggling all the time or fighting or crying or stressing out about stuff. I wanted something healthy and happy and full of support.

I was just looking for losers to give me that kind of relationship, which I can see now is ridiculous. At the time, I had a ton of hope that things would get better, no matter how bad they were.

But, once I realized that a loser wasn’t going to give me what I needed, I was able to let go of that false hope and accept the fact that I needed to look for a different kind of man.

The Last Loser I Dated

The last loser I dated was a real loser. He was addicted to cocaine. He didn’t work because he couldn’t hold a job. He lied to me all the time about where his money was going and what he was doing. He was not motivated to do anything with his life besides play video games, smoke crack, and hang out with his friends.

We were living together, and I was working full time. I was supporting us and trying to deal with his crap on a daily basis the best I could.

For a long time, I held on to the hope that if I demonstrated good behavior, he would follow suit. But then, one day after he had stolen some money from me, I realized that it wasn’t going to happen.

We had bought a sweet little Miniature Pinscher because my boyfriend had wanted that breed. I didn’t want to have a dog because it was a lot of responsibility and I already had enough, but I gave in and we used my money to buy him and that puppy turned out to be the catalyst that helped me to stop dating losers.

I loved that puppy instantly. I quickly realized that I was responsible for his health and wellness and being with a loser wasn’t good for that puppy at all. It just made sense to me. Now that it wasn’t just about me, I could no longer justify being with a loser.

I broke up with the guy, kicked him out of my place, kept the puppy, and made a commitment to myself and my little puppy that I would find someone that we both deserved.

I Wrote Out A List Of What I Wanted In A Man

I wrote out exactly what I was looking for in a man. It wasn’t hard to figure out, it was pretty much the opposite of every guy I had ever dated.

I committed myself to not dating someone unless they had all the traits I had written down on my list.

I kept the list on my fridge. I looked at it often. And, while I was out and meeting new people, I kept my eyes open for the guy that fit the list.

One day I found him. Turns out I had known him for years but never really noticed his qualities as a boyfriend. He was just one of the guys who I hung out with on occasion when a bunch of us got together for a backyard fire. Once I knew what I was looking for, though, it was easy to see that this guy had it all.

We started talking more.

We started hanging out.

We stopped partying.

My puppy loved him and his dogs. I did too.

It was a no-brainer, and I finally had a really good man.

Our sweet dog died last year. I couldn’t have asked for a more responsible, loving man to take care of him for 14 years. I’m so glad that I decided to stop dating losers and start treating myself the way I should be treated.

Find Some Reasons Why And Let It Motivate You Forward

My reasons to stop dating losers were my puppy and my happiness. They drove me to break the cycle and look for something better.

Once I had my reasons written down, I wasn’t willing to settle for something less than what I wanted, and that’s why I was able to see the perfect guy for me.

My focus was on finding someone with particular traits, and once you are looking for something or someone in particular, you will find it amidst all the distractions that are trying to get your attention.


  1. Lauren December 4, 2020
    • Kari December 7, 2020

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